I’ll change she says.
She says, she will be there for me in every way.
She says, she will be cool with me doing what I need to do.
She says, she will wait for me while I get it together.
But how long will this last?
How many days, weeks and months before she is back to asking about marriage?
Its good now, its solid, its tight, it’s a deep emotional connection, but she will want more.
She will need that next level of commitment and then what?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
If its a deep emotional connection then whats the issue with marriage?? If she says she’s willing to change and not go on about marriage, then doesn’t that show you she’s for keeps?? Why wouldn’t you marry her, unless you didn’t want to keep her??
Sorry for the late comments… I’ve only just discovered this blog. =)
Your comments are great. Appreciate your insights.
The issue is that once people get a certain age, do they really change? If the woman changes and is true to her word then, yes, she is for keeps. I have seen women try to change for their man and not for themselves. That is my issue. If you’re a woman and want to change and feel it’s necessary, great. In some cases women are trying to change, but really don’t believe they should change. Individuals should want to be better and make changes in their lives. No one should be forced to change.
But the kind of change you’re referring to is basically to stop talking about marriage… That’s not a change that will better a person or vice versa… Its more of a situational change. At some point in every relationship, the issue of marriage will come up… its kind of the inevitable event… if not now, then later. Stopping her from talking about it now is not going to better her as a partner, its just delaying “the talk”. I think you just need to figure out when the idea won’t sound so scary to you. She doesn’t seem like the one that needs to be making the change.
You touched a nerve. Marriage is scary to me, but not the idea of talking about marriage. The idea of being married and having children is something I want to do when I’m ready. Talking about marriage is what I welcome. Talking and having everything out in the open is what I enjoy. The part that scares me about marriage is the ultimatums that frequently come from women. Women want to get married and don’t even understand the basic of a relationship. Women fail to really understand everything about that man. They should be asking the following questions: what’s your credit score, do you have money, are you a family man, do you want kids. If you been with your man for over 5 years that doesn’t automatically mean marriage. All I here is: I want a big wedding, I want x amount of kids, I want a big ring and I want a nice house. I feel that women are not thinking about the days after the marriage.
I don’t want to be one of those guys that settle because every woman I meet is giving me an ultimatum.
Ultimatums don’t really achieve anything…. they’re more destructive than anything. I don’t think that marriage can be done on an ultimatum… it kind of defeats the purpose… telling a guy that in the next couple of months you should love me enough to propose to me and set a date…. that’s not love, that’s forcing a commitment.
You’d think they’d be happy with a guy who’s willing to even talk about it as an option!! That’s a rarity! I also think that everything should be out in the open. Talking is the only way for a relationship to last the distance. Marriage is a long-term decision, so the long-term needs should be discussed and planned out.
Marriage shouldn’t be done on a whim, just because a woman feels like her finger needs a diamond.
Then can you tell most of the women today to stop giving good guys ultimatums. Then tell them your lucky and that it’s a rarity you have a guy that talks about marriage as an option.