Can a player ever truly be married?

by Casper "Flash" Jones on November 3, 2011 · 19 comments

Any woman who has ever dated a player and wanted a commitment only to be left standing alone and confused knows the answer to this question: Can a player ever truly be married?
Any player who has ever been confronted by his lover about being in a serious relationship, felt his heart race and broke it off the next day also knows the answer, which is “No”.
Players are a breed of their own.  They don’t win the husband of the year contests at work.  They put in just enough time and energy to keep from getting bored.  So how can this player change his ways and be the one who commits?

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Felicia Stevenson November 5, 2011 at 12:19 am

That’s so funny… you’ve totally given me an idea for an upcoming post on this subject!!! LOL

I think players become players because women come easily to them. They’re usually either good looking, really charming, or very rich, and sometimes a combo of all three (the tripple threat). So every women hopes to land him, and some even mistakenly believe they will be the one to turn them.

BUT!!! I have seen men do crazy things for a woman, including completely turning his life around. One day, the right girl won’t pay you any attention, and you’ll decide she’s the one you want. The challenge will keep you interested long enough to fall in love.

Unless the player is, at the core, unable to love. But that’s another set of problems all together, and would probably require therapy ;)

Great subject, I’d love to see you elaborate!

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Casper "Flash" Jones June 23, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Felicia, Thanks for stopping by the blog. I agree with your take on the triple threat. Will write about this in a future post.

How players become players?
Funny thing is that women secretly like players. The ones that are harmless not the reckless ones. Players in many cases must have a little of all three of the ‘triple threat’ qualities (good looks, swagger and money). I heard one man say to another man once, that men would die for what you have, because he was a women magnet. He wasn’t rich, but had two of the triple threat qualities, looks and swagger. In the beginning women tend not to care too much about if he is rich, but he must have some money, at least enough to pay for gifts and meals for the women that earn it. If the man is fine, he tends to get what he wants from a women until she gets fed-up with his mess.

Can men do crazy things?
In the case of men changing for their women, I’ve seen my friends do a 180 degree turn around from their player ways to a committed relationship. They were the man on the block at one time and hung up their player shoes to be home before midnight, share a bank account, have limited phone privileges, and having a family. At the end of the day the player found the one he was looking for. Yes, she finally won and that makes me proud when women win the marriage proposal. They ultimately played the player.

Player, unable to love?
Players that have a heart are able to love. If this player truly lets go and opens his heart to the one sitting across from him at the dinner table, can he feel her with his full heart and mind? It would take a lot of trust. It would mean pushing the fears aside and letting go and being vulnerable. What fears get in the way of a player? Is it a fear of giving himself over completely and then he will end up hurt that holds him back? Will she leave him? Will she die?

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Felicia Stevenson November 15, 2011 at 1:01 am

Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I’ve finally published the post that was inspired by yours. I’ve also shown you some link love ;)

I’d love to hear what you think!

http://bit.ly/sYPpfP

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Casper "Flash" Jones November 19, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Read your post and think it’s great. Showed you some link love as well in my new post.

Player has to open his heart

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Lostinlove March 13, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Theres this player I know who has 7 kids with several different baby momma’s and it would seemd to me that he wont give it up? His heart… he say’s I love you but I dont believe him.. how can I when he say’s his back is turned to me.. I ask you.. is it fact or fiction?

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Casper "Flash" Jones March 14, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Classic question. You should always believe he loves you or has love for you, but that doesn’t mean he is IN LOVE with you. There is a difference. You might be in love with him but he is likely incapable of feeling such deep love or if he is capable he might fear the commitment. He might always wonder “what he gave up” by settling with one. The important thing is that you realize this is on him. No matter how much you change your looks or how much money you have or how smart you are until HE is able to commit he won’t. It is best to move on and find a prince or just move on and be alone. Its better to have no one than the wrong one.

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greg December 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

i dont think a payer can change seeing as i am one i have tried to back away from it all. I have this one good girl that has been throw all this bullshit and every time its the same shit this is my vary last changes to change and i think it is really above me to change i need help and only have a mouth to be the classy man i was that made her fall in love with again.In fact i think i lost her…. this is why i need help

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Casper "Flash" Jones January 19, 2013 at 3:53 pm

You can only change if you truly want to. If you see her in your life and you have no issues with her. You should seek therapy to figure out why you can’t be with only her. Don’t beat yourself up or rush into anything. Expressed to her what your trying to do. If she loves you, she will support you.

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Appleberry March 24, 2013 at 5:00 pm

Greg, your answer got me curious. I am in love with a player and it has been very hard on me because he doesn’t let go of his bad habits. He knows I do not approve and recognized he should put more effort in us. It seems he feels some type of comfort playing the field because he doesn’t have to reveal too much of himself and become vulnerable. However with me he has opened up and revealed a lot about his personal life. if there any way I can help him see, understand and reassure him that a committed relationship is the open door to a balanced life? I know he’s afraid and wish he would seek counseling but I’m pretty sure he won’t. Is it a lost cause?

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Casper "Flash" Jones August 20, 2013 at 1:02 am

He’s not a lost cause. Help him to change. Support and love him, but hold on. Sounds like he’s a good guy. You have to show him how to change, by putting it out in the table to see if he steps up to meet you.

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layla December 12, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I was totally played. He is married second rank high officer at our prison facility where I work. His wife is also an officer at the same facility. He has bedded several female officers at the facility_however they meet somewhere off site while his wife works overtime. How do I know this? He told me several times he would not jeopsrdize his rank but what he does offsite is his business. Of course he said what I hear about him are all rumors.oh anddid I also say he is arrogant. He is ta’s muscular and not bad looking and he knows it. But what I don’t understand. Is why did he get married. I heardhe got caught just before the wedding. Again why get married. Like I said I got played. I caught him. And he gets upset stme telling me he and the other are just friends…really…do u usually ask a casual if she misses you. Thank u for letting me vent.

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Casper "Flash" Jones January 19, 2013 at 4:04 pm

Thank you for venting. I know it’s hard for you, but your are owning that you got played. Your not making any excuses and I have a great deal of respect for you. This guys ego is on planet Mars. You had no chance if he was married. He got married to his wife because he can still be a player. He can cheat and then go back home. He can easily cheat on his wife and do what he wants When he is done cheating he can go back home to his prize. Players don’t marry woman that they cannot cheat on. The woman that he cheats on are not good to be his wife. He loves woman and likes having sex, but would not wife any of them. Wife represents stability and that is what players want. His wife provides that. His side chicks provide the fantasy. He is happy living his life that is why he got married.

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milicent January 13, 2013 at 11:30 pm

I am presently involved with a player. It is confusing and conflicting feelings rising and falling, while carrying on with the rest of the life, that’s both addictive and annoying. It is difficult to refuse the attention and confuse it for love, and feel like falling in love. So if there is nothing I can do, and it is up to him to be ready to commit, is it then my obligation to be true to myself and set my expectations clear and upfront?

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Casper "Flash" Jones January 19, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Yes! But why you leaving it up to him. Tell him you want. Be confident if he doesn’t agree to move on. Yes! It’s hard, but before you do that. Build your team up. That guy that was trying to holler or that guy your friend wanted to set you up with. Go for it! People fear about starting over. You know your player doesn’t want to commit. Before you hear those words from him and get upset. Start building your team of men. People are killing it online these days. Just be clear with what you want once you start dating. Have fun with it. don’t be so serious. Just want out for the crazy guys.

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Midlife hottie March 26, 2013 at 1:28 pm

I cant believe it has been three years and I am still trying to move on with my life without obsessing over how too old and not attractive enough for this guy who really played me. I made a total fool out of myself, I thought he really liked me and I swooned. I am married, unhappily and have a couple of teenage kids. He is married too, I assumed unhappily, with teen plus kids, we knew each other before and then I started working a lot where he worked. Well.. a few months down the line, I thought why not enjoy some “extra” time with this friend, both of us married too…No worries, no explanations, neither one of us has any intention of leaving our spouses, perfect situation. Right?! Wrong!! I had no idea that I was one of many, many he had in the past, in the present. From the few times I ran into this guy’s wife- kid, school functions, she was not at all surprised to see me and I knew she had suspicions about me too. I started poking around the job site and I would hear stories that this guy in the past having his phone bill sent to his work. Another example, at this shop in the valley where said friend would frequent, he had a reputation of flaunting a bevy of beauties known as _________’s women. This jerk was/is married for 30 years too! NO, no, so many more stories and the red flags that i didn’t see. I would run into his wife at various school functions and she never looked surprised or upset when she saw me. My friend saw him having a picnic lunch on the beach during his break about a year ago, my God his kids could have seen him. I was addicted to him, I wanted to be with him so bad, I was always hinting about getting together again but he would not ask me out again. One date we were going to get together but at the last minute he cancelled it. I was crushed. Shortly after was when my friend saw him on the beach with that other woman and it was not his wife. I still hung on though licking my wounds and wondering if it was my age, what is/was wrong with me. Thank God I am reading this posted player stuff others have shared about their creep experiences, has helped me so much. I pray I can move on. My luck, the first time I decide to step out on my husband it has to be with this arrogant, selfish, lying player jerk, who after his orgasm in his car stopped calling me again. Why did I not learn…

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janet May 16, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Well midlife hottie, I too have been there with you. I was going through a rough time with my husband of many years, I have 5 kids all growing up and was feeling bored and neglected. My son’s coach from a few years back has always kept in contact with me sporadically, all above board but this time I answered his Facebook message by saying I was having some issues with my husband. My son and his team members all though he was a player and I let him step in my life. BIG MISTAKE. So I am going to give all of you some much needed advice, much of what can be validated on in an internet search.
1. The relationship always happens to women that have issues with self-esteem and the Player knows just what to say and is very good at it. They come on strong, build up your ego, tell you how beautiful you are, things that you don’t hear from your husband after multiple years.
2. They imply a relationship is there. This guy has a girlfriend, an older model who was cheated on by her husband and rebounded with him. He gets off on the fact that she is his arm candy (questionable I think) and she is so dependent and stupid she has fallen into the same relationship and is being used by him.
3. They want to get into your pants immediately, aggressively and tell you how much you drive them crazy.
Remember, anything that starts off as too good to be true, too fast is total bullshit.
4. Once they suck you in and God forbid you sleep with them they will be gone and they will talk about you to other people. In my case none of that stuff happen, he didn’t get the goods and for that he started fading away.
5. The fade out starts slowly, he doesn’t call as often or text, he doesn’t answer your calls and then the BIG FREEZE out occurs. He stops all contact,probably thinking he can bully you into going crazy and in turn you will now give it up.
RUN AWAY FAST if you see any of this. The guy is a manipulator and a creep and not worth your time, even if you think you know him you don’t. In my case it helped me get back to my relationship with my husband without my doing anything wrong, thank God for that. In this guy’s case he will grow old and undesirable and have no one to turn to. He is the one with no self-esteem, a classic Narcissist and they will NEVER EVER change.

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Princess April 5, 2013 at 12:46 am

Midlife hottie , Shame on u for cheating on ur husband. You deserved this

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toomanygrandkids June 11, 2013 at 12:54 am

Another interesting topic. Just about every female would rather have a married man/player. Just as long as he’s married, they want him. Not too long ago, my 60-something year old aunt told me that she’s ALWAYS been attracted to men already in a relationship. Her one and only son is by a married man. In 40 years my cousin has never seen or talked to his dad. My aunt goes from one married man to the next. When she does meet a single man, which isn’t often, she’s so clingy. Constantly calling him and always wanting to know where he is and what he’s doing. Then when he breaks up w/ her, she’ll stalk him (if she can), flatten his tires, etc. Then she’ll start listening to old school slow jams and talk about how he did her wrong. My sister has been involved w/ married men since she was in her 20′s. She’s now 40-something. He got married to his longtime girlfriend while him and my sister had been seeing each other for a good 5 yrs. She said that she don’t know why he married his girlfriend and she said that she told him not to marry his girlfriend. Frankly, I don’t think my sister had any say as to whether he got married or not. That was his decision to make. My sister is still with him and he still tells her from time to time that he’s leaving his wife. I can’t see a man marrying a woman to get divorced b/c of the other female in his life. Just doesn’t make sense to me.

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karisa August 5, 2013 at 1:16 am

Im not exactly sure how to put this. but i have this friend and she’s looking for some answers that i can’t really provide her with. Im hoping this site will help me so i can help her. So the story is my friend has been off and on with the father of her children for the past seven years. but
through out those years he always had or has a girl on the side. never tells her an she would ask but he would say no. Im not sure about everything but just what she want she’s willing to share. but recently but not too recent, they got together and she had no idea he was with someone. he never told her and she felt she had every right since she has children with this guy. an now this guy is engaged to this other person after just 3weeks of the relationship! Is this normal for a player? She should be more worried about her children? She feels worried now but she barely opens up about it. i feel she’s heartbroken. And i would love to give her some good news. i feel this guy is a complete jerk. But i have respect for her so i don’t wanna say anything bad about the father of her children. Also do u think this kind of relationship moving this fast is actually serious to this guy? Also one last thing my friend told me about her childrens future stepmom is every time she is with this guy to pick up the kids she’s always staring an crawling over the driver seat just to look at her! She says it makes her feel uncomfortable. so maybe you have suggestions for her to how to handle it? Hopefully you can give some sort of feed back. It will be much appreciated.

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